I rarely get visibly angry but when I do…Oh My God!!! I remember the one time I got angry in secondary school…I was so mad, I was flinging metal plates and everyone in the room (including the offender-my annoying friend) had to take cover. Now I think about it, it was indeed hilarious but even though that was a very young immature me, I only got that angry once in a space of 6 years.

However, in the last 12 years of my life as a career woman, I have gotten this angry at least 4 times even though I was more matured and worked with friends in an environment, I greatly enjoyed. Actually, one time, I was so grateful to God that I was a Christian because all I wanted to do was organize ‘area-boys’ to beat the offender to pulp and leave a note with the text ‘Be careful who you lie against’. LOL!!

The fact that I got angry twice as much at work even though I was more matured, tells me there are more ‘things’ just waiting to provoke people in the work environment.

So how does one respond to these ‘provocations’ without being unnecessarily emotional or offending the Spirit of God?

1. Remain calm…. Disappoint them

I remember the first time I got so angry at work, I just received a highly infuriating mail from one of my team-mates and I WAS LIVID!! I immediately got into a meeting room and called her up on the phone. I must have been shouting at the top of my lungs because the next thing I saw was my manager rush into the room. She immediately cut the call and started trying to calm me down. That day I learnt one big lesson from her – ‘When people try to provoke you, disappoint them by being calm.’ Whatever you need to do to calm down before responding to them, DO IT. If you need some air, take a short walk outside. If you need supernatural help, pray in the Spirit. If you feel like crying, get into the toilet and do your tear glands a favour. Or hey, get yourself some ice-cream! There really is something about ice-cream, dousing anger and drying up tears right from the source…
When you are calm, then you can think objectively like a professional is expected to; and act accordingly.

2. Speak up where needed…but objectively

I’ve been in meetings where someone (usually a woman) got so provoked and burst out in a tirade that ended up making her look emotional and unprofessional. As a woman in a professional environment, when provoked to anger…for starters, please NEVER cry in public. If for no other reason, for the sake of ‘posterity’. Can you imagine if someone took a picture of you then – red eyes, runny nose, smudged makeup…

Instead evaluate the situation, the caliber of people present, the atmosphere….and decide if you need to speak up then or at a later connect. If you need to speak up immediately to defend yourself, do so but before speaking, brace yourself up by reminding yourself that you are a professional and you’ve got this….and then speak based on the facts only. No emotional drama please…

I remember one meeting where one of my superiors (not in my department though) was not prepared for the meeting and in order to call for a cancellation of the meeting, this person literally tried to rubbish my work in front of my high-level managers. I knew what this person was doing but since he was my superior, I could not respond the way I would have loved to. However, I knew I had to defend myself so even though I could feel the anger rising in me, I spoke up. I stated the reputable sources where I had gotten the information shared from as well as the thinking and principles behind the conclusions shared; and then I told him I would be happy to send him the detailed source sheets if needed. Of course, he immediately said he did not doubt my capabilities but he would not mind looking through the sheets outside the meeting and requested we re-convene at a later date.

3. Confront the person with wisdom:

Confronting the person is not an opportunity to rant…I know you would have loved that right? LOL!! This should be a private session with just you and the person and ideally after you have calmed down a bit. In this session with the person, you will

• Start by setting a positive tone to the connect. Example, ‘I would like to understand how to better work with you ongoing in order to avoid a repeat of what happened earlier today.’
• Briefly recount the facts of what the person did or said that got you angry; AND once again, state that you would prefer not to have it happen in the future.
• Ask him/her for suggestions of what you should do (or not do) in the future to prevent a re-occurrence. Physically note them down…. it’ll make them feel you are really listening and open up more for your feedback to them.
• Ask him or her if it’s okay to make a request of them. If he/she says yes (which by the way, most people with sense will say ‘yes’ at this point) then share the ONE biggest thing what you’d really appreciate he/she does or does not do ongoing. If he/she says no, move on to next step ‘e’ with a mental note to stay clear of this person as much as possible. Some faculties of his/her brain or personality are lacking.
  Note: You should only run step ‘d’ if the key change you need from the person was not mentioned in any way whilst discussing step ‘c’ above.
• Thank him/her for their time…shake hands to seal the new deal!

Finally, in every work environment no matter how holy and friendly, there will always be ‘sly’ people who do not mind who they make look bad in a bid to be seen as the best. There will always be people who tell terrible lies in a bid to cover their mistakes. Do not be the ‘victim’ of their schemes… ALWAYS document discussions and agreements. Sharing documented evidence is always a winner versus an emotional outburst.

Cheers to an anger-free time at work!!

Do you have any other innovative ways of responding to provocations at work? Do share in the comments below.